Birth Story: Part 1

-
Today, I decided to dust off my computer and put out a new blog! YAY. I was wondering what I should share but I decided to write out my birth story. Mostly for my keeping, but I've had few people ask as well. I've been reeling over it the past few weeks and I have really wanted to share the entire story and how it all went down. Bear with me, I will probably have to share this in increments.

Back about a month and a half ago, I was at my OB appointment when he sprung the news on me... "I wont be delivering your baby" WHAT?! I was so confused..This is a long story for another time...

I was two weeks away from giving birth. COOL. How could he do this to me? I had carefully picked him out knowing he was pro VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean), knowing he supported my crunchy ways. My last 3 births were semi-traumatic for me. First, Emma was an unplanned c-section, then I had tried to have Cyrus at home naturally but after a labor that lasted almost 18 hours, I stalled out and transferred to a hospital. I ended up having him vaginally but it wasn't without medical intervention, an epidural, or tearing. OUCH. With Layne, I was so nervous but decided to try unmedicated again. I loved my midwife and the care I received both prenatal & postpartum. This time I told her, "If my labor stalls out again, I'm just going to the hospital and getting the epidural. I don't have the fight in me if I stay at 1cm for hours upon hours again." When the time came around to have Laynee, it was a similar situation. A long hard night of laboring and throughout the next day only to be told I was barely even dilated. I thought my body was broken. I transferred to a hospital and although it was a much smoother birth, I was confused at why my body didn't work the right way. Because the second I got an epidural, I dilated within an hour and was ready to push. Layne was out in 3 pushes and no tears. PRAISE.

Even though I'm against almost all unnecessary conventional drugs - I needed this one, I told myself. I have a low pain tolerance, my body doesn't cooperate, there are times and situations where drugs are needed. Which is 100% true and not knocking anyone who wants or needs them - trust me, I know the glorious feeling of an epidural. I just didn't understand why my body didn't naturally do what it was meant to do. 

Anyways, so here I am hearing that the OB I really liked wouldn't be delivering for me and I would just be handed over to a hospital staff of a hospital that I really didn't like in the first place. Also, with all the Covid regulations (trying to make me labor with a mask on?! - sorry, not happening y'all). I started praying and asking God to direct me. I walked out of the office sobbing to my husband not knowing what we were going to do. He hugged me and said "Kendall, we ask God to direct every step of our lives and look at where we are today for following His leading... why should we think that God is going to fail us or let us down now." I thanked him for the reminder and decided I wasn't going to worry about it. So, we went and ate some sushi to get my mind off of it. (Yes, we ate sushi. I'm the worst pregnant person ever)


I took a few days to mull the news over in my mind. I hadn't the slightest clue of what my next step should be. I was half preparing myself to deliver at home, alone L.O.L. I mean, I was in the time frame for it to happen at any moment. I was pretty set on NOT calling a midwife because of my last experiences - like, why try again when I already knew my body couldn't handle it. But after talking it over with my husband we decided to call an OBGYN and a new birth center in my town, called the Birth Cottage. 

To be continued... this is already getting too long and my kids are getting a little wild because they see me enjoying my time - so I will put the rest in another one for tomorrow! 




Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Birth Story: Part 2

-
Image
SO, where was I... Oh right, we decided to call both an OB & a midwife to see what the options were and what their opinions were on everything that had happened with my previous doctor. I got off the phone with the OB office, who I was really leaning towards because I believed I needed another hospital experience, I had tried unmedicated before and it just wasn't something I could do. I got off the phone with them and they said they would call me right back. Meanwhile, I called the midwife and left a message with them, a little relieved they didn't answer and feeling like maybe that was the sign that I was going to have it all work out with this other OB office.  I was out to lunch with my sisters when I missed the call, 1 new voicemail. It was from the OB office informing me that I was too late to take on as a new patient. They told me how sorry they were that it wouldn't work out but wished me all the luck. Juuust what I was dying to hear (queue the sarcasm). As I was...
Read more

A letter to my husband.

-
Image
Saturday, we had our friend over all day to hang out with us. It was a great time, we went to two fun restaurants, sat outside, had some margaritas, and overall just enjoyed a relaxing day. Buuuttt little did our friend know, every time he would walk out of the room, run out to his car, or turn his head, I would stare at Sam and try to do the 'juju on that beat' dance. Sam would shake his head, smile big, try not to laugh, and would mouth to me "you're so white" and many other things of the like. I love that man. I tell you this because, as I was dancing to some Post Malone later that night brushing my teeth, (I'm sure right now you're like wow, Kendall is a freaking weird-o who dances all day lol) I realized - WOW. I'm sooo much more fun when I'm not pregnant. I'm like how I used to be when we were dating. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind being pregnant, I mean, I've been pregnant for like 3 years straight. It's just that th...
Read more

A sink full of dishes.

-
Image
I honestly don't have anything specific on my mind I want to talk about, so I'm just going to write until it happens. I'm sitting here listening to the kids yell at each other in the other room and avoiding going in there at all costs. I love my kids dearly, but man - they can really pinch my last nerve sometimes. Last night, as I was standing over the sink full of dishes, I started to get teary eyed because I had this sweeping emotion of how 'this is just my life now.' It consists of waking up, children all day, cleaning, and then sleeping and starting over. I got into a funk last night because I forgot my purpose. I don't know about you, but I often lose sight of my purpose. I sit and feel so stuck in the now that it is hard for me to look past my current circumstances. I think back on what I thought my life would look like and see that it is not what I had imagined in my teen years. I used to believe I was going straight into ministry - rescuing women from...
Read more