I hate to complain, but..
The other night, I was laying in bed - exhausted. I was ready to go to sleep after the long day. I had a whole evening planned out. I was going to take the longest, hottest shower known to man - because I had forgotten Laynee had spit up in my hair two days before and I was wondering why my hair was sticky and I smelled funky (real life y'all, I don't make these things up.) I was going to paint my nails, maybe put on a face mask, ya know, the whole self care thing that people are raving about these days - I was gonna try it out.
Long story short, I showered with a 4 month old. I finished up - quickly blow dried my hair into a massive, poofy, frizz while she slept for a minute and then suddenly all. hell. broke. loose. Laynee lost it. I was rocking her trying to guess what could be wrong. All was fine and good for the first few minutes, I'm a "seasoned" mom now, right? I've got 3 kiddos, it ain't my first rodeo. WRONG. I had no clue what to do. Sam looks up and says "what wrong with her?" ... I glare back at him thinking, really loudly in my head, IF I KNEW, SHE WOULD BE DONE CRYING BY NOW. Don't get me wrong, Sam always helps and always offers to help but at this point I was so stuck in my pity party that I wanted to prove a point that I was a victim here. Ridiculous, I know. There was a flood of thoughts - "wow, my whole night got ruined", "all I wanted was blah blah blah", "I wish people could see how much I do around here", "I feel like I never stop going", "I never get a break", "I'm unappreciated", "everything I do is for someone else, I just wanted a 'me' night" ---- you catch my drift? My thoughts in about .2 seconds spiraled out of control into the biggest pity party and they were full of lies. Then, I finally get her to sleep and my husband says "so, do you still wanna do it tonight." Thank the good Lord for laughter because it was all I could do. He was joking and laughed along, but seriously - anybody feel me on this? Anyone else have these types of days? Where all your expectations failed and you're just left there in a stupid cycle of depressing thoughts?
Well, that was me the other night. After a few minutes of basking in the sweet, sweet quiet, I realized I had just wasted my precious time. Why the heck am I complaining about the life I not only chose, but am so incredibly blessed with? I think complaining is of the devil. haha, but really. We've become so "OK" with it as a generation. In fact, we use cute little phrases like "my biggest pet peeve" to not sound so selfish. We read blogs about how hard it is a mothers and it feeds this need we have to be understood and validated. It tells us that it is okay to complain, that we all have it so hard. I am not minimizing how hard it can be sometimes- trust me, I really, REALLY get it. But don't get stuck complaining, it gets you nothing and nowhere. Complaining (unknowingly or knowingly) casts blame on other people for not fulfilling the needs that we were designed to gain from God. You can't gain from people what was meant to be given from God. Plain and simple. Self worth, hope, security, love, peace. These are all things that can only be truly fulfilled by the Lord.
People aren't perfect. They will hurt you, let you down, stab you in the back even, but we aren't responsible for their actions. We are only responsible for how we handle ourselves. I know that I want to be someone who rejoices in all things, that does everything without grumbling or complaining. I've learned in the couple days since then, that by saying out loud everything I am thankful for - my entire attitude shifts. I am a new person, I have new perspective, I lift myself out of the funk that I am sitting in. I encourage you to do it, when life is hard - when things really aren't going your way, when all your expectations are let down (little or big) find a way to still be thankful through it all. Go into another room and list off 10 things that you are so blessed with, I guarantee you will feel a shift not only in your attitude, but in the atmosphere around you.
If you have any questions on Jesus, parenting, marriage, or relationships - please feel free to message me! Or if you have a topic you'd love me to write on, send it my way, I'd love to hear from you! Don't forget to subscribe! XO
Long story short, I showered with a 4 month old. I finished up - quickly blow dried my hair into a massive, poofy, frizz while she slept for a minute and then suddenly all. hell. broke. loose. Laynee lost it. I was rocking her trying to guess what could be wrong. All was fine and good for the first few minutes, I'm a "seasoned" mom now, right? I've got 3 kiddos, it ain't my first rodeo. WRONG. I had no clue what to do. Sam looks up and says "what wrong with her?" ... I glare back at him thinking, really loudly in my head, IF I KNEW, SHE WOULD BE DONE CRYING BY NOW. Don't get me wrong, Sam always helps and always offers to help but at this point I was so stuck in my pity party that I wanted to prove a point that I was a victim here. Ridiculous, I know. There was a flood of thoughts - "wow, my whole night got ruined", "all I wanted was blah blah blah", "I wish people could see how much I do around here", "I feel like I never stop going", "I never get a break", "I'm unappreciated", "everything I do is for someone else, I just wanted a 'me' night" ---- you catch my drift? My thoughts in about .2 seconds spiraled out of control into the biggest pity party and they were full of lies. Then, I finally get her to sleep and my husband says "so, do you still wanna do it tonight." Thank the good Lord for laughter because it was all I could do. He was joking and laughed along, but seriously - anybody feel me on this? Anyone else have these types of days? Where all your expectations failed and you're just left there in a stupid cycle of depressing thoughts?
Well, that was me the other night. After a few minutes of basking in the sweet, sweet quiet, I realized I had just wasted my precious time. Why the heck am I complaining about the life I not only chose, but am so incredibly blessed with? I think complaining is of the devil. haha, but really. We've become so "OK" with it as a generation. In fact, we use cute little phrases like "my biggest pet peeve" to not sound so selfish. We read blogs about how hard it is a mothers and it feeds this need we have to be understood and validated. It tells us that it is okay to complain, that we all have it so hard. I am not minimizing how hard it can be sometimes- trust me, I really, REALLY get it. But don't get stuck complaining, it gets you nothing and nowhere. Complaining (unknowingly or knowingly) casts blame on other people for not fulfilling the needs that we were designed to gain from God. You can't gain from people what was meant to be given from God. Plain and simple. Self worth, hope, security, love, peace. These are all things that can only be truly fulfilled by the Lord.
People aren't perfect. They will hurt you, let you down, stab you in the back even, but we aren't responsible for their actions. We are only responsible for how we handle ourselves. I know that I want to be someone who rejoices in all things, that does everything without grumbling or complaining. I've learned in the couple days since then, that by saying out loud everything I am thankful for - my entire attitude shifts. I am a new person, I have new perspective, I lift myself out of the funk that I am sitting in. I encourage you to do it, when life is hard - when things really aren't going your way, when all your expectations are let down (little or big) find a way to still be thankful through it all. Go into another room and list off 10 things that you are so blessed with, I guarantee you will feel a shift not only in your attitude, but in the atmosphere around you.
If you have any questions on Jesus, parenting, marriage, or relationships - please feel free to message me! Or if you have a topic you'd love me to write on, send it my way, I'd love to hear from you! Don't forget to subscribe! XO
Comments
Post a Comment