Marriage 101
This blog is going to be a little bit different. I am just going to go over the basics, one by one. Making a few points and if any of these spark something in you and you want to reach out, I'd love to hear from you!
1. Marriage doesn't HAVE to be hard. There are times that will be tough, obviously, but its all in your attitude and how you handle yourself during a conflict. YOU get to decide how a conflict is going to go.
2. Trying to control your spouse won't get you anywhere. You need to trust them and understand that they're ultimately accountable to God and that is a lot scarier than them being accountable to you. Giving ultimatums and threatening isn't the way to get what you want. You will get them to respond to you in love when you first respond to them in love.
3. Marriage consists of two humans. Humans - people who make zillions of mistakes, people who come from all different walks of life, people who communicate differently. Hopefully before you commit, you know the majority of the things your partner deals with/ how they deal with things so that you can see if it will be worth the commitment.
4. Don't do it if you're not ready. Marriage doesn't make your issues disappear, actually it highlights all of them and brings them to the surface. You will see all of your flaws and the flaws of your partner. Do the best to get yourself ready before saying "I do."
5. Theres always 2 sides to the coin. If you're unwilling to take a step back and look from the other side, there will be a lot of issues that can't get resolved.
6. The BEST piece of advice I have gotten when in an argument or serious discussion - is to repeat back to your spouse what they just said to you in the way that you heard it. "So what I am hearing you say is...." Then they can be like, "no thats not what I meant at all" and try another way of explaining- or "YES, I'm glad you're finally understanding me" Two people means two different ways of viewing the world, of hearing each other, of understanding each other on a deeper level. Having open communication where you are free to express yourself and know they are doing their best to understand fully will make a WORLD of a difference. It starts with you.
7. Find a hobby you love to do together. For Sam and I, we love to play cards. We will sit at the table after the kids are in bed and play some gin rummy, war, speed etc. It gives us a chance to connect at the end of the day. Also, it keeps us laughing.
8. Laughter is seriously a medicine. Be goofy. Learn to take a joke. Try not to take everything so seriously. Picking apart what your spouse says to create an argument is stupid. Know that they love you and allow yourself to have fun with them.
9. Have fun during sex. It doesn't always have to be this romantic, passionate, "this is how its done in the movies" type thing. It also doesn't have to be quick and over with in a few minutes. There are times for those, but allow yourself to be free with your spouse. Get comfortable with them. The more you do it the more you want to do it, sometimes you have to force yourself to get in the mood - but it will be worth it. (women I'm mostly talking to you lol) Sex is a form of communication in itself. Learn your spouse, what they like and don't like. Don't let it be all about you. Have sex during hard times in your marriage, there is something about connection with your spouse that will help you get through some of the most difficult situations.
10. It is okay to disagree! Disagreement isn't the worst thing in the world. Again, two people means two different perspectives. Sam and I actually disagree about quite a few (non-important) things but we love each other for being a free thinker and for looking outside of what we've always been told! You're not married to make a clone of yourself. Allow them to be fully themselves. It will create security, trust, and confidence because you know they aren't changing who they are just to please you.
***DISCLAIMER - we do NOT have it all together. We still have arguments, we still fight, there are times we rub each other the wrong way. These are just a few of the things that we're still working on, but these few things can make your marriage something you truly enjoy and maybe run a little smoother.
If you have any questions on Jesus, parenting, marriage, or relationships - please feel free to message me! Or if you have a topic you'd love me to write on, send it my way, I'd love to hear from you! Don't forget to subscribe! XO
1. Marriage doesn't HAVE to be hard. There are times that will be tough, obviously, but its all in your attitude and how you handle yourself during a conflict. YOU get to decide how a conflict is going to go.
2. Trying to control your spouse won't get you anywhere. You need to trust them and understand that they're ultimately accountable to God and that is a lot scarier than them being accountable to you. Giving ultimatums and threatening isn't the way to get what you want. You will get them to respond to you in love when you first respond to them in love.
3. Marriage consists of two humans. Humans - people who make zillions of mistakes, people who come from all different walks of life, people who communicate differently. Hopefully before you commit, you know the majority of the things your partner deals with/ how they deal with things so that you can see if it will be worth the commitment.
4. Don't do it if you're not ready. Marriage doesn't make your issues disappear, actually it highlights all of them and brings them to the surface. You will see all of your flaws and the flaws of your partner. Do the best to get yourself ready before saying "I do."
5. Theres always 2 sides to the coin. If you're unwilling to take a step back and look from the other side, there will be a lot of issues that can't get resolved.
6. The BEST piece of advice I have gotten when in an argument or serious discussion - is to repeat back to your spouse what they just said to you in the way that you heard it. "So what I am hearing you say is...." Then they can be like, "no thats not what I meant at all" and try another way of explaining- or "YES, I'm glad you're finally understanding me" Two people means two different ways of viewing the world, of hearing each other, of understanding each other on a deeper level. Having open communication where you are free to express yourself and know they are doing their best to understand fully will make a WORLD of a difference. It starts with you.
7. Find a hobby you love to do together. For Sam and I, we love to play cards. We will sit at the table after the kids are in bed and play some gin rummy, war, speed etc. It gives us a chance to connect at the end of the day. Also, it keeps us laughing.
8. Laughter is seriously a medicine. Be goofy. Learn to take a joke. Try not to take everything so seriously. Picking apart what your spouse says to create an argument is stupid. Know that they love you and allow yourself to have fun with them.
9. Have fun during sex. It doesn't always have to be this romantic, passionate, "this is how its done in the movies" type thing. It also doesn't have to be quick and over with in a few minutes. There are times for those, but allow yourself to be free with your spouse. Get comfortable with them. The more you do it the more you want to do it, sometimes you have to force yourself to get in the mood - but it will be worth it. (women I'm mostly talking to you lol) Sex is a form of communication in itself. Learn your spouse, what they like and don't like. Don't let it be all about you. Have sex during hard times in your marriage, there is something about connection with your spouse that will help you get through some of the most difficult situations.
10. It is okay to disagree! Disagreement isn't the worst thing in the world. Again, two people means two different perspectives. Sam and I actually disagree about quite a few (non-important) things but we love each other for being a free thinker and for looking outside of what we've always been told! You're not married to make a clone of yourself. Allow them to be fully themselves. It will create security, trust, and confidence because you know they aren't changing who they are just to please you.
***DISCLAIMER - we do NOT have it all together. We still have arguments, we still fight, there are times we rub each other the wrong way. These are just a few of the things that we're still working on, but these few things can make your marriage something you truly enjoy and maybe run a little smoother.
If you have any questions on Jesus, parenting, marriage, or relationships - please feel free to message me! Or if you have a topic you'd love me to write on, send it my way, I'd love to hear from you! Don't forget to subscribe! XO
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