Stop nitpicking your husband!
Wow. I never thought that I was a nitpicker until last night... I was walking around the house picking things up, my husband was sitting on the couch burping our newborn after already putting the other two to bed. (He's the best) But as I was walking around, seeing him sit on the couch watching basketball started to annoy me. Even though he had managed getting everyone ready for bed, those things were not on my mind.
I walked to the kitchen and noticed he washed off the high chair tray but there was still a little ranch on it from Cyrus dipping his pizza in it. (Sam even insisted we order pizza so I didn't have to cook after our weekend away, what a guy) I see the ranch still smeared on the wet tray and I think to myself "seriously? When you wash something off, make sure you get it all" I was juuuust about to open my mouth to tell him that he had missed the ranch when I realized - oh my goodness... I am LOOKING for a reason to complain about him to him. I wipe down the tray, kept my mouth shut, walked over to the sink and notice there were dishes still sitting in it. Just waiting for me. I know this sounds like I am spoiled rotten (which I probably am, he's seriously a proverbs 31 man haha..) but it bothered me. Here I am, after my day of picking up after the kids, keeping them entertained, breaking up their fights, and everything else that kids entail - I was exhausted and now looking at a sink of dishes. I was entirely annoyed. I realized again, wow Kendall, this is unreal. You are choosing to see what your husband DIDN'T do, rather than think of all the things that he did and does all the time. Keep. Yo'. Mouth. Shut. I grinned to myself realizing what an idiot I was being and glad that I caught myself. He looked at me from across the room and said "Why are you smiling? The dishes in the sink? Sorry, I was trying to get the kids in bed and completely forgot about them." Feeling horrible, I said "it is not a big deal at all, you did so much for us tonight!"
Sitting here thinking of this small scenario last night, makes me think that more often than not I DON'T keep my mouth shut. I like to show him how he could do better. It's messed up. I'm thankful for how much he does do, but I don't appreciate it enough. Ladies, I know I'm not alone in this.. we do so much all day, every day keeping our house running and all we want is some help at the end of a long day. BUT, I urge you - analyze what you're thinking before letting it spill out. It could save you an argument. It will spare your husband from feeling beaten down, inadequate, and that he can never do enough. It will overall help your marriage be more successful. What your spouse needs is encouragement! Tell them how amazing they are, speak out all the good you see in them. Building someone up always produces more than nagging and nitpicking! I know when I feel appreciated, I will accomplish way more! As the awesome Mike Bickle always says "A lover will always out work a worker." When your work comes out of a place of love and intimacy and service towards the other, you will be able to go above and beyond in all that you do!
5 ways to quit nitpicking!
1. Stop and think, is it really that important to share? If you can let it go, let it go.
2. Do not try to start an issue. If something needs to be brought to your spouses attention - encourage them first, then state your case.
3. We didn't get married to try and make them into a better person, we married who they are and who they will become. Stop trying to make a clone of yourself. Let them be human.
4. Be gentle. Be kind. Don't allow yourself to be demeaning or sound like you have it all together and that they're the short end of the stick.
5. Encourage, encourage, encourage. Build your spouse up!
I walked to the kitchen and noticed he washed off the high chair tray but there was still a little ranch on it from Cyrus dipping his pizza in it. (Sam even insisted we order pizza so I didn't have to cook after our weekend away, what a guy) I see the ranch still smeared on the wet tray and I think to myself "seriously? When you wash something off, make sure you get it all" I was juuuust about to open my mouth to tell him that he had missed the ranch when I realized - oh my goodness... I am LOOKING for a reason to complain about him to him. I wipe down the tray, kept my mouth shut, walked over to the sink and notice there were dishes still sitting in it. Just waiting for me. I know this sounds like I am spoiled rotten (which I probably am, he's seriously a proverbs 31 man haha..) but it bothered me. Here I am, after my day of picking up after the kids, keeping them entertained, breaking up their fights, and everything else that kids entail - I was exhausted and now looking at a sink of dishes. I was entirely annoyed. I realized again, wow Kendall, this is unreal. You are choosing to see what your husband DIDN'T do, rather than think of all the things that he did and does all the time. Keep. Yo'. Mouth. Shut. I grinned to myself realizing what an idiot I was being and glad that I caught myself. He looked at me from across the room and said "Why are you smiling? The dishes in the sink? Sorry, I was trying to get the kids in bed and completely forgot about them." Feeling horrible, I said "it is not a big deal at all, you did so much for us tonight!"
Sitting here thinking of this small scenario last night, makes me think that more often than not I DON'T keep my mouth shut. I like to show him how he could do better. It's messed up. I'm thankful for how much he does do, but I don't appreciate it enough. Ladies, I know I'm not alone in this.. we do so much all day, every day keeping our house running and all we want is some help at the end of a long day. BUT, I urge you - analyze what you're thinking before letting it spill out. It could save you an argument. It will spare your husband from feeling beaten down, inadequate, and that he can never do enough. It will overall help your marriage be more successful. What your spouse needs is encouragement! Tell them how amazing they are, speak out all the good you see in them. Building someone up always produces more than nagging and nitpicking! I know when I feel appreciated, I will accomplish way more! As the awesome Mike Bickle always says "A lover will always out work a worker." When your work comes out of a place of love and intimacy and service towards the other, you will be able to go above and beyond in all that you do!
5 ways to quit nitpicking!
1. Stop and think, is it really that important to share? If you can let it go, let it go.
2. Do not try to start an issue. If something needs to be brought to your spouses attention - encourage them first, then state your case.
3. We didn't get married to try and make them into a better person, we married who they are and who they will become. Stop trying to make a clone of yourself. Let them be human.
4. Be gentle. Be kind. Don't allow yourself to be demeaning or sound like you have it all together and that they're the short end of the stick.
5. Encourage, encourage, encourage. Build your spouse up!
awesome Kendall. Enjoy these so much (I'm a friend of your Mom's and Lydia and Emmalie)
ReplyDeleteThank you Sheilah! I am glad you are enjoying these as much as I am writing them :)
ReplyDelete