The key to communication!
A few weeks ago, I was talking with my friend who will be getting married shortly and she asked "How do you and Sam communicate so efficiently?" "Was it hard to figure out?"
The questions caught me off guard because we have disagreements, we get in arguments, we often don't see eye to eye on everything. "I don't try to make him into my clone," I answered quickly before thinking. I wasn't even sure what that meant at the moment, but as I've thought on it this morning - I realized, thats the key. We didn't marry someone to turn them into ourselves. I married someone who has an entirely separate way of thinking than me and thats OKAY. Hopefully you married someone who has the same foundational beliefs and thoughts - but besides that, everything else will be up for debate.
I've seen lots of marriages where everything turns into an argument, there is no such thing as a healthy discussion. This should not be the case! For Sam and myself, everything is on the table. There is no conversation too uncomfortable or awkward - we bring it forward confidently but KINDLY. I love myself but I don't want to be married to me in a male form haha. I love Sam for all of his unique qualities, I want him to feel supported in his thought process and in the way that he expresses himself. I refuse to be a wife who has to convince him to be on my side 100% of the time.
We may have different ways of viewing things, but we try our best to prefer the other over ourselves. Its not "my way or the highway" in our house. This isn't to say we are perfect, obviously - I hope that goes without saying, but figured I'd add it in for the people who may not know us well. We've had our fair share of things we've needed to work through, but we tackle it head on with the end goal being to see the other persons side instead of convincing them why they should be on our side. The goal should never become complete agreement - the goal is compromise and respect in the process.
Marriage aint easy, but it is the number one thing you should be investing your effort into. Happy marriages don't have to be few and far between. All it takes is two people willing to forgive, compromise, and love each other in every form. Today, look for ways to prefer your spouse, encourage them in their opinions, encourage their thinking, encourage them to see the world in the way that they were made to. God made us each unique, there is so much to be learned from each other if we could just get out of our own way for a second.
The questions caught me off guard because we have disagreements, we get in arguments, we often don't see eye to eye on everything. "I don't try to make him into my clone," I answered quickly before thinking. I wasn't even sure what that meant at the moment, but as I've thought on it this morning - I realized, thats the key. We didn't marry someone to turn them into ourselves. I married someone who has an entirely separate way of thinking than me and thats OKAY. Hopefully you married someone who has the same foundational beliefs and thoughts - but besides that, everything else will be up for debate.
I've seen lots of marriages where everything turns into an argument, there is no such thing as a healthy discussion. This should not be the case! For Sam and myself, everything is on the table. There is no conversation too uncomfortable or awkward - we bring it forward confidently but KINDLY. I love myself but I don't want to be married to me in a male form haha. I love Sam for all of his unique qualities, I want him to feel supported in his thought process and in the way that he expresses himself. I refuse to be a wife who has to convince him to be on my side 100% of the time.
We may have different ways of viewing things, but we try our best to prefer the other over ourselves. Its not "my way or the highway" in our house. This isn't to say we are perfect, obviously - I hope that goes without saying, but figured I'd add it in for the people who may not know us well. We've had our fair share of things we've needed to work through, but we tackle it head on with the end goal being to see the other persons side instead of convincing them why they should be on our side. The goal should never become complete agreement - the goal is compromise and respect in the process.
Marriage aint easy, but it is the number one thing you should be investing your effort into. Happy marriages don't have to be few and far between. All it takes is two people willing to forgive, compromise, and love each other in every form. Today, look for ways to prefer your spouse, encourage them in their opinions, encourage their thinking, encourage them to see the world in the way that they were made to. God made us each unique, there is so much to be learned from each other if we could just get out of our own way for a second.
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